Monday, February 26, 2007

Realizations

I look back on the previous posts and in my journal and wonder how this came so quickly. I question my disdain for J. Could it be real? Could I be so disgusted that I am actually repulsed? It was only a month ago that I thought I could salvage something, but then I remember the obvious, that it is over - it has been over for a long time. I knew that.
What scares me is the fact that I don't feel the love for him that would keep me attached. I had the foresight to know things fell apart, but I never expected to actually feel a different type of love for him. I care for the nostalgia we have together but the present is a feeling of sadness and weight.
I realize how much he was bringing me down. I realize that I am actually attracted to other men. I realize that I can be happy without him. I realize that I am happier without him.
I realize that though I never thought I could find someone that treated me as well as J did - I was wrong.

2 comments:

Cassie Mae*~ said...

Hey you...

I just realized you commented on one of my posts. I didn't realize anyone actually ever left me any comments haha. I've been trying to leave you a message on myspace but it won't let me for some reason. Anyway, I am everyone's best friend and now I'm yours too so I hope you can deal with that. Its too bad you can't come back out to visit again! Hope all is well! I think you're neat.
the end.
peace & love,
Cassie*~

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