Monday, January 22, 2007

Mail Call

Insert any name you think begins with an A and J, cause it makes me feel okay doing this when I think there is some sort of anonymity

A***********,

It must be hell living with me the past year. I've put you through more than almost anyone could handle. I'm so ashamed of myself and I'm terrified I'll never be able to make up for the wrong I've done or the pain I've caused. My apologies just don't mean much anymore - but I had to write and say something. I want our life back but I'm not even sure I know where to begin. We had such great dreams and hopes - such a bright future - and I've all but shattered them all. I was happy with our marriage with the direction we were headed but I still hated me. Everytime you tell me you love me my stomach drops and it hurts like hell because I'm reminded of how I just can't love myself and how you love me in spite of me. These 3 [6 total] years of our life together have been the best and the worst I've known. I've known great joy and great pain. I've become a monster - so different from the man you married. So I offer a humble apology - when I owe you so much more. I hope we can talk again. I love you

your Husband,
J.************


We haven't spoken in a week and the last time we spoke while he was sober was over two weeks ago. The treatment center will allow me to call him Thursday.
I have a 4:00 appointment with the lawyer tomorrow afternoon.

3 comments:

the occasional cig... said...

ah, that's rough (you needed me to point that out, right?). we're--and by we i mean you know, the whole family, because we feel the need to stick out small-town noses in everyone's business--all hoping that you're doing well and it sounds like you are. oddly enough, my dad asks every few days how you are (i think he loves you...). call if you want. keep on truckin'.

Anonymous said...

one day at a time ...

Tab said...

Thank you for sharing agl.